Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The letter that needs to be sent.

Dear Obstetrician Office,

You are a Doctor's Office. In addition, many of your patients are Great with Child, like yours truly. In many cases, such as mine, being great with child coincides with weight gain, large abdominal girth, and just overall increased fatness.

The pre-natal experience is wonderful...
the joy of carrying new life,
the anticipation of a sweet baby,
the hopes and dreams all wrapped up in another child.

The pre-natal experience has it's downside too...
the aforementioned bodily growth,
the anticipation of gut-wrenching, stabbing pain,
the frequent appointments, exams, pokes and prods,
and again, the anticipation of being taken over by pain that I never knew could exist.

But, beyond all of this, I return yet again to this topic of "increased abdominal girth" and to what I deem to be the worst possible part of coming to your office at this point in my pregnancy. Your sweet medical assistant leads me to a cold, uninviting room, politely asks me to remove everything from the waist down, and says "Here is your drape. The Doctor will be in 'soon'."

The word "soon" apparently has different meanings for those of us waiting INSIDE the room from those of you who wait "OUTSIDE" the room. From inside, I hear those of you outside talking about pop-culture, weekend plans, etc. Maybe you need a hint of what goes on inside. We sit, waiting, waiting, and waiting some more for you to come in. That would be bad in and of itself, but the drape, or small white napkin, as I lovingly refer to it, is what really gets me going.

Really??? I mean, really? This is what you ask me to wrap myself in? In case no one has ever complained to you before, let me make it clear. That "napkin" does not fit around even an average sized 36 week pregnant women. As if getting it to wrap around me isn't challenging enough, figuring out how to not let it rip when I heave myself up onto your cold table is even harder. And, since it is not large enough, we emotionally-charged and over-sensitive large pregnant women also have to decide where to leave the gap. The back...front....side???? So then, as anxiety rises, as sometimes even tears begin to well, as embarrassment sets in, some of us bolder patients go digging around all of the drawers and cabinets in your office to find more napkins. And let me tell you, when I do, relief overcomes me as I wrap myself in as many darn napkins as I please. This may explain why you were unable to find any napkins for the next unsuspecting, sweet woman you brought to Exam Room 1.

But, for the sake of my sanity and some other not-so-bold patients, can you please re-think your draping situation? Maybe you could offer 4 to every woman, maybe you could find a new manufacturer. If money is the issue, maybe you could just ask each and every woman to bring their own sheet.

But please, do something.

Sincerely,
Your biggest and most loyal drape-hater.

5 comments:

Megan and Company said...

Oh
my
gosh!!

This is the best blog post ever.

I'll also add.. for the very short women.. a 3" step stool isn't getting me anywhere near that table and I'm well past the stage of "hopping up".

une autre mère said...

Where in the world have you been?!?

And holy cow - CONGRATS on your pregnancy! I had no idea - obviously I'm not keeping up with facebook very well, because I'm sure there's probably something on there about that...

LOVE this post! And oh so, so, so true. I HATED those stinkin' little napkins. So glad to never have to try to figure those out again. Good for you for being bold enough to dig for more!

TwinsplusTHREE said...

I laughed so hard I cried! That was great. I thought you were going to say they came in while you were rummaging for more napkins!

Sarah - Roots and Wings said...

AMEN! Send it off! I'll provide the stamp and envelope!

Could you also put in there that they need to put a back on that table so you're poor pregnant aching back doesn't have to sit unsupported for 3.7 hours while you wait for them to finish talking about their weekend plans?

Please don't be gone for another 8 months from blogging. You're far too entertaining!

Matt and Sarah said...

Robyn, you make me laugh! I do know a nice doc in Alabama that will provide you with cloth drape! :) Hope all is going well and can't wait to see pics of your new baby!